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shyandsmiley: The Problem with ‘Boys Will Be Boys’ gettingahealthybody: For months, every morning...

Fri, 24 May 2013 16:13:45 +0200

The Problem with ‘Boys Will Be Boys’

gettingahealthybody:

For months, every morning when my daughter was in preschool, I watched her construct an elaborate castle out of blocks, colorful plastic discs, bits of rope, ribbons and feathers, only to have the same little boy gleefully destroy it within seconds of its completion.

No matter how many times he did it, his parents never swooped in BEFORE the morning’s live 3-D reenactment of “Invasion of AstroMonster.” This is what they’d say repeatedly:

“You know! Boys will be boys!”

“He’s just going through a phase!”

“He’s such a boy! He LOVES destroying things!”

“Oh my god! Girls and boys are SO different!”

“He. Just. Can’t. Help himself!”

I tried to teach my daughter how to stop this from happening. She asked him politely not to do it. We talked about some things she might do. She moved where she built. She stood in his way. She built a stronger foundation to the castle, so that, if he did get to it, she wouldn’t have to rebuild the whole thing. In the meantime, I imagine his parents thinking, “What red-blooded boy wouldn’t knock it down?”

She built a beautiful, glittery castle in a public space.

It was so tempting.

He just couldn’t control himself and, being a boy, had violent inclinations.

She had to keep her building safe.

Her consent didn’t matter. Besides, it’s not like she made a big fuss when he knocked it down. It wasn’t a “legitimate” knocking over if she didn’t throw a tantrum.

His desire — for power, destruction, control, whatever- - was understandable.

Maybe she “shouldn’t have gone to preschool” at all. OR, better if she just kept her building activities to home.

I know it’s a lurid metaphor, but I taught my daughter the preschool block precursor of don’t “get raped” and this child, Boy #1, did not learn the preschool equivalent of “don’t rape.”

Not once did his parents talk to him about invading another person’s space and claiming for his own purposes something that was not his to claim. Respect for her and her work and words was not something he was learning. How much of the boy’s behavior in coming years would be excused in these ways, be calibrated to meet these expectations and enforce the “rules” his parents kept repeating?

There was another boy who, similarly, decided to knock down her castle one day. When he did it his mother took him in hand, explained to him that it was not his to destroy, asked him how he thought my daughter felt after working so hard on her building and walked over with him so he could apologize. That probably wasn’t much fun for him, but he did not do it again.

There was a third child. He was really smart. He asked if he could knock her building down. She, beneficent ruler of all pre-circle-time castle construction, said yes… but only after she was done building it and said it was OK. They worked out a plan together and eventually he started building things with her and they would both knock the thing down with unadulterated joy. You can’t make this stuff up.

Take each of these three boys and consider what he might do when he’s older, say, at college, drunk at a party, mad at an ex-girlfriend who rebuffs him and uses words that she expects will be meaningful and respecte, “No, I don’t want to. Stop. Leave.”

The “overarching attitudinal characteristic” of abusive men is entitlement

This is so brilliant. We learn things from socialization process. What our parents, friends and peers do, media and all. I think perhaps rape is because parents think boys will be boys, they bully, fight and destroy things, it’s their characteristics so they don’t bother to stop them. But it manifests in them, knowing or unknowingly, they will just think, because I’m a boy and boys tend to do these, so it doesn’t matter even if the girl hates it, says no, because I’m a boy.

Just reblog this, this message is really powerful. For parents and future parents.

“‘We Have Always Fought’: Challenging the ‘Women, Cattle and Slaves’ Narrative” by Kameron Hurley A Dribble of Ink

Fri, 24 May 2013 11:28:00 +0200

“‘We Have Always Fought’: Challenging the ‘Women, Cattle and Slaves’ Narrative” by Kameron Hurley A Dribble of Ink:

What is “realism”? What is “truth”? People tell me that the truth is what they’ve experienced. But the trouble is, it’s often hard to sort out what we actually experienced from what we’re told we experienced, or what we should have experienced. We’re social creatures, and fallible.

par-la-fenetre: V is for Vocalizing Serie: The ABC of...

Fri, 24 May 2013 00:03:49 +0200

par-la-fenetre:

V is for Vocalizing

Serie: The ABC of Stimming

“Warming-up-my-voice-the-whole-day-through.”

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Fri, 24 May 2013 00:01:36 +0200

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Thu, 23 May 2013 18:20:02 +0200

tedschmosbyarchitect: Why can’t getting a job be like getting one in Sims

Thu, 23 May 2013 18:19:57 +0200

tedschmosbyarchitect:

Why can’t getting a job be like getting one in Sims

"I’m not gonna sit around and waste my precious divine energy trying to explain and be ashamed of..."

Thu, 23 May 2013 18:17:21 +0200

“I’m not gonna sit around and waste my precious divine energy trying to explain and be ashamed of things you think are wrong with me.”

- Esperanza Spalding (via albinwonderland)

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Thu, 23 May 2013 07:57:37 +0200

malformalady: 740ct opal butte crystal with Contra luz color...

Wed, 22 May 2013 22:22:02 +0200

malformalady:

740ct opal butte crystal with Contra luz color plays. This gem has all faceted faces and contains some amazing matrix inclusions. The mix of of facets, color plays, and minerals creates an almost mystical or “underwater” like scene within.

Florence + The Machine - Over The LoveI just have to share my...

Wed, 22 May 2013 11:56:30 +0200

Florence + The Machine - Over The Love

I just have to share my love for this song, because I think it’s absolutely genius!

"The Oxford English Dictionary accepts both pronunciations. They are wrong. It is a soft ‘G,’..."

Wed, 22 May 2013 10:59:00 +0200

“The Oxford English Dictionary accepts both pronunciations. They are wrong. It is a soft ‘G,’ pronounced ‘jif.’ End of story.”

- Steve Wilhite, the creator of the GIF, chiming in on the pronunciation of the word. (via shortformblog)

Steve Wilhite, though probably an expert in many fields, is not a linguist. The OED lists both pronunciations because actual human speakers use both pronunciations. Language norms are shaped by speakers, not by the individuals who originally coined certain terms.

(via lesserjoke)

"Anyone who has ever struggled with poverty knows how extremely expensive it is to be poor."

Tue, 21 May 2013 10:19:05 +0200

“Anyone who has ever struggled with poverty knows how extremely expensive it is to be poor.”

- James Baldwin (via ethiopienne)

Another drink will fix meAnd might give you faultSomewhere between your lashes and moving bones If...

Tue, 21 May 2013 10:18:56 +0200

Another drink will fix me
And might give you fault
Somewhere between your lashes and moving bones

If this is all we have to say
Then let’s dance, dance, run
‘Till we can’t feel the morning sun
(At least those steps can’t be wrong)

Let’s close the case and leave it
Thinking hurts my brain
And leaving it to you might make me feel like you’re a game

If this is all we have to say
Then let’s dance, dance, run
‘Till we can’t feel the morning sun
(At least those steps can’t be wrong)

(At least those steps can’t be wrong)

(At least those steps can’t be wrong)

"A catcall is entirely about reminding you that you are not yours. The purity myth is entirely about..."

Tue, 21 May 2013 10:18:18 +0200

“

A catcall is entirely about reminding you that you are not yours. The purity myth is entirely about reminding you that you are not yours. The fetishization of female purity in a world where catcalls are an acceptable form of communication telegraphs one thing very clearly:

“Women, stop sexualizing yourselves—that’s our job, and you’re taking all the fun out of it.”

The sexualization of women is only appealing if it’s nonconsensual. Otherwise it’s “sluttiness,” and sluttiness is agency and agency is threatening.

”

- “Female ‘Purity’ is Bullshit”, by Lindy West (via ceedling)

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Mon, 20 May 2013 23:49:28 +0200

“We’ve been best friends since 1967.”

Mon, 20 May 2013 23:47:40 +0200

“We’ve been best friends since 1967.”

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Mon, 20 May 2013 23:44:21 +0200

bl0od-guts-and-angelcake: “I think a lot about what makes a...

Sat, 18 May 2013 15:15:00 +0200

bl0od-guts-and-angelcake:

“I think a lot about what makes a strong female character. You know, movies and TV shows, these things have influence, my own website. So I think the question of “What makes a strong female character?”, often goes misinterpreted. And instead we get these two-dimensional superwomen, who maybe have one quality that’s played up a lot. Like, you know, a Catwoman type, or she plays her sexuality up a lot and it’s seen as power. But they’re not strong characters who happen to be female, they’re completely flat and they’re basically cardboard characters.

The problem with this is that then people expect women to be that easy to understand, and women are mad at themselves for not being that simple. When in actuality, women are complicated. Women are multifaceted. Not because women are crazy, but because people are crazy. And women happen to be people!”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6osiBvQ-RRg

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Sat, 18 May 2013 15:14:15 +0200

"You have played, (I think) And broke the toys you were fondest of, And are a little tired now; Tired..."

Sat, 18 May 2013 14:06:59 +0200

“You have played,
(I think)
And broke the toys you were fondest of,
And are a little tired now;
Tired of things that break, and—
Just tired.
So am I.”

- E.E. Cummings - You are tired (I think)